Abusive Love

I guess I wanted to try and go somewhere dark and different. It's all purely fictional I just wanted to test my writing skills. So  please don't be horrified if it seems gruesome. It's not that great but my mind needs to start warming up.

I was afraid of never finding love or what I thought was love. So when the moment came I latched on to you. I felt a comfort everytime you held me to you and whenever you shouted I thought it was me. Was it me that was all wrong? Was I the one who was mistaken? I craved your attention and every glance that came my way I engulfed it. I took it all in happy for any breadcrume you would throw. When the fists came pounding down on my face and I would crawl into a ball, the whimpers of fear and the tears gushing down my face I would tell myself it’s alright it’s alright. You love me, of course you love me. You would tell me you love me and I would sometime awaken to see you’d been watching over me in the nightime. I was in love and I felt it I knew it.

One day without a word except goodbye you were gone. It was me wasn’t it for a long time I only thought I was wrong yet you were so perfect.

When I left you I was afraid to see your walking visage turning away.
Goodbye was all it really took to hit me you weren’t coming back.
Like an empty cliche I ran far and wide with tears as a companion.
Far and wide I searched and longed for a new embrace a new strength a new love.
They say love hurts.
They say it really hurts.
They say you can’t mend a broken heart.
You really can’t.
…Can you?
Days turned to weeks turned to months turned to one year.
Life moves on but I never did.
Spending hours lying underneath the blanket reminiscing over what once had been.
Spitting venom to those who came near.
Kicking away the siblings who longly wished to wipe my tears.
A young infant sister holding a tissue up at me staring in admiration at her older sister.
A heavily burdened mother weeping inside longing to hold and embrace me once again.
But no one could have that embrace no one.
It belonged to you, one day you and I would embrace once again.
There was my aunt and uncle knocking at the door.
My childhood best friends and second parents I’d grown up with.
Worrying, waiting in anticipation for me to emerge.
I said leave. Smashing the door against their faces.
Sliding against the wall until meeting the ground and weeping.
Could do nothing but weep.

My heart was broken in two and it kept crying out to heartbreak hotel.

Years down the line I saw you with another woman and baby. You were happy and smiling qualities I could never give you. You kissed the woman on the cheek and she seemed to be kissed by the sun. How pristine she was how perfect she seemed. You saw me and stopped. She looked to me and her eyes widened and she gasped. So you had left me for her? I turned and ran back home.

Did I hear footsteps behind me I never knew. I opened the door to my apartment and banged it shut when a knock was heard from outside.

‘It’s me open up’ you said

No I thought. I took the knife and held it against me. You would only hurt me again. You thud louder. I get it now you never loved me you wanted to hurt me.

I crouch against the wall behind the door. You bang open the door and look at me. Your eyes latch onto mine.

Today is my retribution as I stab the knife into your stomach digging further twisting the knife around. Your eyes open in horror as you fall to the ground clutching the open wound. Black blood from destroyed organs oozes on to the floor.

‘I wanted to say sorry’ you rasp out before slumping onto the ground.

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